Yeesh. The things I’ll do for a free gargleblaster.
Welcome to the Intergalactic Sci-Fi Romance Caption Contest and Giveaway. Here’s the deal. Back in the day before we had access to a plethora of delicious science fiction romance stories, us poor addicts had to make do with the likes of Amazing Stories. Just look at these covers.
Do you notice anything about this selection of covers? (Hint: voluptuous boobies) Yep, that’s right. Women. Sometimes as the villain; sometimes as the damsel in distress, but always, always wearing very skimpy outfits. Oh, how I love those outfits, I mean covers. (And whoever is screaming “geek” at me please stop it. I have a hangover.)
Nowadays, you’re just as likely to see voluptuous man boobies on the cover of a science fiction romance novel, but the idea is the same. People like boobies. And in the fifties, they apparently really liked pointy boobies. But I digress.
Below there are links to eleven science fiction romance novels and novellas. There’s a lovely selection. From space opera to time travel to cyberpunk to hunky aliens, there’s something for everyone. I have it on excellent authority that there are also boobies of all shapes and sizes. How can you resist?
Lucy In The Sky by Barbara Elsborg, courtesy of Laurie Green (print for continental U.S. or Amazon gift certificate for international)
Stellar Timing by Jennifer Hart (ebook: PDF)
Once Upon A Time In Space by Heather Massey (ebook: Mobi, PDF, or epub via $10.00 Red Sage gift certificate)
[The deadline to enter the contest is at 6 p.m. EST on Sunday, August 14, 2011.]
First prize is your selection of five of these. Get clicking. Which ones do you want?
Second prize is your selection of three of the remaining six, plus a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
Third prize is the last three books, a Vogon poem and a foot rub from Heather. What do you have to do for these wondrous prizes, I hear you say? Your mission, if you ain’t wimpy enough to reject it, is to caption the Amazing Stories cover at the bottom of the page.
The charmingly bossy Heather Massey and that evil wench, Diane Dooley, will select the winners based on how hard they laugh at your entry. Go on! Make those trollops wet their knickers.
Thanks are owed to the authors who donated copies of their books for this contest. They are cordially invited to join in the fun, but are not eligible for prizes, though Heather’s foot rubs are excellent and on sale right now should they wish to purchase one at a discount.
So, let’s get to it. Here, I’ll start it off.
“Captain Jack Bland cursed ferociously when he realized the women of Planet Zongo were serious about the ceremonial vasectomy.”
Your turn.
Be seeing ya,
Agent Z.